The Beginner’s Guide to Bondage

Taking the term ‘a bit of slap and tickle’ to new, literal heights, D/s, BDSM and M/s play has become more mainstream since the introduction of Fifty Shades of Grey. This phenomenon has led to couples right across the globe getting their kink on. Yet, while bondage has stepped out of the bedroom there are still many curious beginners wondering how to coax it into their sex lives. Throughout this article, we’ll be discussing not only how to safely introduce bondage into your playtime but how best to broach the subject with your partner to begin with!

beginners-guide-to-bondage

So let’s get started with this beginners guide to bondage…

Does your SO think kink?

The initial concern with much bondage play is usually does my partner have an interest, will they run away if I suggest it to them? While the subject of bondage is largely public domain, introducing the idea between lovers still remains something of a taboo, particularly with someone you’ve just started dating. Truth is, unless you’re seeking a D/s or BDSM-savy partner through a specialised social media site, you’re going to have to have THAT conversation one way or another. Here’s how.

The talk

Before doing anything hasty, you should take your SO aside to somewhere quiet, somewhere private and have this particular conversation. Bondage is nothing something you want to do with a stranger, nor is it something you want to do to a stranger. Always THINK before going KINK. Do not pass go, do not collect £200 and do not go to the dungeon before having this particular talk, ideally in the privacy of yours or your lover’s private space. This is not dinner or lunch time conversation!

Spanking

If you don’t feel comfortable broaching the subject of spanking face-on you can always leave a sneaky suggestion on your lover’s backside! During sex, attempting a sly spank while behind your partner can be suggestive enough to invite a positive response and telling enough to know when to stop. If he or she acts shocked or disgusted, you can simply dismiss the (single!) spank as a slip of the hand. Similarly, if your partner is aroused or pleasantly surprised you can take it to the next level. Try a few more light taps. However, when experimenting with spanking for the first time, use the flat of the hand rather than any sexual aides to better gauge the effects harder blows can have on your partner’s sensitive sit spots.

Handcuffs

handcuffs

Handcuffs are a good way to try bondage for the first time and far less messier than rope. Start with a comfortable position to begin with, and only use cuffs with a person you trust/who trusts you – you don’t want to be on the receiving end of a panicked partner or fleeing trouser thief! Cuffing the hands above the head is a classic pose, or behind the back. Leave your partner enough wiggle room to get used to the feeling of bondage. Keep it simple. For first timers, cuffs are great for spanking scenes or for use during oral sex. Start soft, use fur lined cuffs or soft leather shackles to play with. Probably the least intimidating bondage product on the market, they’re great for those who want to dip their toes into bondage.

Rope play

There are a great many local events which offer rope workshops for beginners and advanced bondage enthusiasts alike. A site such as Fetlife (basically, Facebook for kinksters!) is a great way of finding a workshop local to yourself. It is strongly advised that you do go to one of these workshops before attempting rope in the home. However, for those who do, here is some basic safety advice:

  • Always keep a finger’s width between rope and flesh. This will ensure your partner does not suffer any circulation issues.
  • Do not leave your partner unattended. Even if they become particularly enthusiastic about being tied, it is never a good idea to leave a bound partner unattended.
  • Always keep a pair of shears/scissors handy in case of emergency.
  • Check with your partner while they are bound that they don’t experience any numbing in the legs, feet, arms or hands.
  • Especially important, if you gag your partner during play give them a series of sounds to function like a safeword. Three mphs means stop!

For more extensive information on rope play, see here: http://rope-topia.com

Safewords

You should always have safewords and limits in place prior to play. Why are these necessary you might ask? Well, for those of us who enjoy non-consensual scenes or force play, these words are absolutely paramount in ensuring that ‘no’ actually does mean ‘no’. It will also give the top in your dynamic more freedom to play, even if their partner protests ‘in character’.

Safewords are usually completely unrelated to conversation. For example, Kangaroo, Red Light or Poodle. Choose an obscure word which won’t be mistaken for anything other than ‘stop’. Never enter into any kind of bondage scene without a safeword or limits (things you absolutely will not do), particularly with a newer partner.

Sensuality not just sexuality

Tease the senses as well as the sex. Bring some food, chocolate syrup of flavoured lubricant to play with while you or your partner is restrained. A gentle breath along the back of the neck can send a thousand nerves into an electrifying frenzy. Bondage is all about teasing. Use your lovers restraint as an opportunity to explore their body.

Safe, sane and consensual

Finally, if you’re not sure which role you fit into (the tying top or the tied submissive), take turns with your partner. Remember to start soft, use velvet floggers and satin spankers rather than diving straight in for the big stuff. Always discuss limits and for the love of chocolate, keep your safewords (verbal and non-verbal) at the forefront of your mind. Keep it safe, keep it sane and keep it consensual.

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